Hidan’s Valentine
by allismine
Summary: Who knew that a box could cause so much trouble? NO PAIRINGS, contains OCs, kept as in-character as humanly possible, manga spoilers. Rated T for scattered strong language. On hiatus.
1. The Discovery

**Disclaimer:** _I do not own anything in this fanfiction except the 'original characters', the fanfiction scenario / plot, and the fanfiction writing itself. "Naruto", and all related characters and characteristics, remain the property and rights of Kishimoto Masashi._

**A/N:** _Happy Valentine's, Hidan-sensei! Sorry I forgot to sign the card. Reviews are highly appreciated!_

I--I

"What is..._that_?"

"What the hell does it look like? It's a box."

"I can see that it's a box.", the Falls-nin replied coolly. "But where did you get it?"

"I found it. Seriously, you'd think people would be more careful, instead of dropping their shit on the ground where anyone can pick it up."

Having completed the final phase of yet another successful bounty-hunting mission, Kakuzu and Hidan were in the process of returning to the Akatsuki headquarters, venturing somewhere around the hazy outskirts of Kemurigakure no Sato. Assisting the incompetent patrons of the Kemuri government was always easy cash, seeing as how the amateur village was completely incapable of handling all the work themselves. Of course, to Kakuzu, fast money was the best kind out there; it was the kind of assignment he would have gladly carried out on his own.

Hidan was only there because of the Akatsuki's strict 'no solo missions' protocol.

To avoid the risk of the needless conflicts his partner was notorious for initiating, Kakuzu had instructed Hidan to wait outside while he collected the reward and 'completed the transaction', as he liked to put it. As previously assured, Kakuzu arrived with the money a few minutes later...only to find Hidan holding a bright pink, palm-sized box upon his return.

…he _really_ didn't want to know.

"Put it back where you found it.", he said plainly as he walked past, not even taking a second glance.

"Why the hell should I?"

Kakuzu shot an intent glare at his teammate. It should have been obvious that he didn't want to create any unnecessary inconveniences now that their task was complete; the last thing they needed was some flying accusations of thievery before they managed to cross the border.

"Because you shouldn't take things that don't belong to you."

"Aren't you the noble one?", Hidan said, smirking uncertainly. "You just killed an ambassador, for God's sake, and here you are giving _me_ lectures on morality? You're such a hypocrite, you know that?"

Kakuzu stops in his tracks. "Wait a minute."

"...what?"

The Shinobi's dark emerald eyes narrowed suspiciously as he turned to re-examine the mysterious package in his partner's hands. The innocent-looking box was covered with pink wrapping paper, gently tied shut with a crimson ribbon, and had a small bow affixed to the top of the cover.

But it was something _attached_ to the package that caught his attention.

"What?", Hidan repeated impatiently.

"What's that?"

"What's _what_, damn it?"

"That paper.", Kakuzu pointed out. "It looks like some kind of tag."

Hidan turned the box around to reveal a small paper slip tied carefully around the bow.

'_To: Hidan  
From:_'

'_They named him..._', thought Kakuzu, immediately realizing what it could implicate. '_They addressed him directly._'

An unfamiliar gleam of curiosity sparked in Hidan's eyes as he read his name on the label.

"It's a fucking _gift_?", he asked, sounding half-amused. "Who the hell could it be from?"

Kakuzu, on the other hand, had a pretty good idea who might have sent the package. The 'incidental' occurrence that his teammate just _happens_ to find a package laying on the ground right after a well-deserved-yet-reluctantly-given monetary gain was much too questionable to be a mere coincidence.

...no wonder Hidan didn't suspect anything.

"Give me the box.", Kakuzu ordered, his eyes glinting dangerously.

"Yeah, right.", he scoffed. "Get your own goddamn box."

"Give me the box, Hidan."

"Fuck off, Kakuzu; it's mine."

"You don't understand...", he said slowly. "It could be dangerous. How would whoever sent you this package know your name and exactly where to find you? Why would they leave the tag unsigned? Why would someone send _you_ a gift?"

"Plenty of fucking reasons!", Hidan exclaimed, suddenly sounding offended.

"Name _one_."

"Maybe it's 'cause I'm such a great guy."

"Don't flatter yourself.", he replied sharply. "You have no way of finding out what's inside that package without opening it. It's not unheard of for bounty hosts to set up death traps in order to secure a strict secrecy of the transaction, to prevent future cases of extortion, or even to retract their final payments."

"A death trap.", Hidan muttered, looking incredulous. "With a pink bow on top."

"The wrapping is inconspicuous enough to make you open it in the first place. We're dealing with Kemuri agents, remember? Just get rid of the box."

"Give me a break, Kakuzu...", he said, rolling his eyes. "You're being way paranoid, seriously."

"Maybe you just aren't paranoid _enough_."

"Listen, asshole. It's _my_ fucking choice because it's _my_ fucking box. If it is a fucking _time bomb_, then it is _my_ fucking time bomb. Seriously, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that you were just jealous I got a box and you didn't."

Kakuzu gave a heavy sigh, finding himself becoming increasingly unsettled towards the prospect of his partner carrying that package around. Anytime Hidan ever managed to do something stupid, Kakuzu was always the one left to pick up the pieces...luckily for the Jashinist, Kakuzu was still basking in the comforting afterglow of claiming a large cash reward; he was in much too good of a mood to start an argument with his half-witted teammate.

"Take the damned box with you if you want to.", he said finally. "Just don't open it in front of me, alright?"

"Whatever.", Hidan smirked, slipping the box inside of his cloak. "It's not like I need your fucking permission, seriously."

"Come on, then.", Kakuzu said, walking ahead to maintain a considerable distance from his teammate. "We have to report back to headquarters."


	2. The Return

**A/N:** _ZOMG a second chapter wtf. Yes, it's short, and I'm really really sorry, but being really busy and having an abnormally extended case of writer's block doesn't help the situation. xD And for all intensive purposes, Deidara still has both his arms. Kthxbai. Reviews are highly appreciated!_

I--I

It had taken a few hours to complete the journey, but Hidan and Kakuzu managed to reach the destination of the familiar mountainside (better known to the both of them as Akatsuki headquarters). Kakuzu stepped forward to perform the long, intricate series of Hand Seals whilst he faced the secret entrance, trying his hardest to concentrate on the complicated task and block out the incessant waves of complaints coming from his teammate's mouth. Frankly, the bounty hunter was more than happy to arrive.

He had grown rather tired of hearing that he was going to hell in a handbasket.

Just as the inconspicuous boulders leaning against the mountainside parted to reveal an open doorway, a blue-skinned man with a giant sword strapped to his back approached Kakuzu and Hidan at the entrance.

"Thought it was you.", he said, giving the two an eerie shark-like grin as he emerged from the shadows. "How did the mission go?"

"Fine.", the Falls-nin replied plainly, entering the hidden Akatsuki domain with his partner tagging closely behind. "The kid ran for a while, but we managed to complete the transaction without a hitch. We would have gotten back faster if we weren't tied up in rituals every five seconds. Oh, and Hidan found a box."

"You know something, Kakuzu, you really are a fucking--"

"A box, huh?", Kisame interrupted, placing a hand on his chin and looking somewhat thoughtful towards the notion. "Sounds suspicious...wouldn't happen to be a _bomb_, would it?"

Hidan began fuming at the complacent expression settling in Kakuzu's eyes.

"Why the hell would you ask something like _that_?", he asked through gritted teeth.

Kisame shrugged lightly. "Itachi-san receives unsigned packages all the time during _our_ assignments, and _they_ always turn out to be bombs. That guy's got a lot of angry people on his ass, that's for sure..."

Deidara walked in.

"Of course, with that obvious a set-up, I'm able to disarm the explosive before Itachi-san discards it permanently. We've gotten loads of them so far, but we still have no idea who's been sending them all."

Deidara turned his heel and left the room.

"You'll have to speak to Hidan about it.", Kakuzu said impatiently, rushing past Kisame with briefcase in hand. "I have to log today's collection before midnight."

"Yeah; make sure you _bathe_ in it first, you avaricious bastard."

Taking the high road for the millionth time that hour, Kakuzu chose to ignore his teammate's snide remark.

"So...", Kisame started, smirking knowingly as he turned back to face Hidan. "You got a box."

Hidan folded his arms lazily. "We've already been through this, fish-face."

"Watch it. I'm the one trying to help you, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah...", he vaguely acknowledged, turning to direct his gaze elsewhere. "Just hurry the hell up and tell me what your boxes look like. I've got things I've gotta do, seriously."

Kisame glared at the other man momentarily, wondering if this disrespectful punk even _deserved_ any of his advice. I mean, _he_ certainly wouldn't mind seeing Hidan blow up right about now...

"The packages we get are always really small.", he decided to explain, making an odd waving gesture to illustrate the usual size. "Sometimes they fit in the palm of your hand, sometimes they're a little bigger."

Hidan shifted uncomfortably. '_Strike one..._'

"Like I said, they're always unsigned..."

'_Shit._'

"Oh.", Kisame realized. "And they're always in gray or brown wrapping paper."

"HA!", Hidan shouted, his voice echoing triumphantly throughout the rocky halls of the mountain hideaway. "MINE'S _PINK_!"

The next ten seconds brought with it the most awkward silence in Akatsuki history.

A dangerously content grin spread across the Mist-nin's face.

"Well.", he said, in the calmest, most unwavering voice he could muster. "Congratulations...then."

Kisame turned around and shuffled away, with nothing more than uncontrollable snickers following his timely exit.

Hidan's eyebrow twitched.

If he ever got his hands on the person who sent him that box, he swore to Jashin he'd send them to hell personally.

Realizing that the other members had made themselves absent from his path, a cautious artist made his way back towards the entrance of the cave, glancing over his shoulder periodically to make sure he was alone. Any mentions of 'bombs' or 'explosions' automatically made people point the finger at _him_, so he knew he had to leave said area before the allegations started flying. Still, as not to look suspicious, he had to think up a better reason for why he left so suddenly...

"Where're we going, Deidara-sempai?"

...and there he was.

Deidara sometimes wondered how such a simple-minded twit had even _managed_ to become an Akatsuki member, let alone how he was stuck having him as a partner. Yet, despite his apparent lack of artistic integrity, in cases like this where one was in desperate need of a scapegoat, ignorant little Tobi was always more than happy to comply; truth be told, it was the only reason Deidara tolerated him.

"We're going on the mission that was assigned yesterday, un.", he replied, peering around a corner.

A terribly excited young man donning an orange mask skipped up to Deidara's side.

"You mean the one with the fluffy pink bunny rabbits, Deidara-sempai?", he asked brightly, placing his hands together in hopeful enthusiasm.

"Yes, Tobi...", he lied, unable to stop himself from grinning at his partner's sheer naivity. "The one with the fluffy pink bunny rabbits, un."

"But I thought you said I wasn't allowed to go on this mission, Deidara-sempai? I thought you said--"

"Forget what I said, un. You want to go, don't you?"

"Of course, Deidara-sempai!"

"So shut up and follow me. Un."

"Okay!"

Scanning the area one last time, Deidara gave a quiet sigh of relief when he saw no one but Hidan approaching from the entrance; thankfully enough, that guy seemed to complain a lot more than he asked questions. Religious zealot..._he_ didn't have a sense of art, either.

'_No, Hidan._', Deidara remembered telling him one day. '_Blood doesn't count as paint, un._'

"Hello, Hidan-san!", Tobi greeted, waving cheerfully.

"Hey."

Deidara pointed back at Tobi with his thumb. "Forgot Tobi, un."

"I seriously don't remember asking you anything...", Hidan replied airily, a familiar aura of casual arrogance lining his response as the Shinobi walked past each other.

What Deidara should have done at this moment was walk on and leave the conversation at those few final words. What Deidara _should_ have done was keep his mouth(s) shut and _walk on_. Yet, it was his inquisitive nature and deviously curious disposition which wrongfully possessed him to further maintain the palaver. He just couldn't help but noticing...

Hidan raised an eyebrow once the pony-tailed blonde didn't allow him to pass by.

"What the hell are _you_ looking at?", he scowled.

"Nothing...", he said, blinking innocently. "You just seem to be in a better mood than usual, un."

"It's because I got a full dose of Vitamin C from my morning fucking orange juice. Now get out of the way."

"Alright, alright...", he smirked, his light blue eyes narrowing slightly in suspicion. "No need to get feisty, un."

Annoyed by the delay, Hidan sidestepped and barged ahead, 'accidentally' colliding shoulders with Deidara as he passed by.

_Tap_. _Tap_. _Tap_.

Hidan froze in his tracks. '_Oh, fuc--_'

"Well, well, well!", Deidara remarked, quickly kneeling down to swipe the small object before its owner had a chance to retrieve it. "What have we here, un?"

Tobi tip-toed to look over Deidara's shoulder, his eyes (assumingly) widening at the sight of what his teammate held in his hands.

"Wow!", he gasped. "It's so pretty, Hidan-san! Did you make it yourself?"

Hidan was thankful that his back was still turned, because allowing either of those two idiots to see the reddening blush of embarrassment tainting his face would've only made things worse. It was bad enough that moneybags and shark-boy found out about the fucking box, but did the whole goddamned _world_ have to know about it, too?

"I guess you have more of a sense of art than I gave you credit for, un.", Deidara said, keeping a hand on his chin as his observant eyes studied the package appraisingly. "Decent wrapping, nice calligraphy...yet, the colors leave much to be desired."

"I didn't wrap the fucking thing, alright?", Hidan snapped, turning around sharply. "It was a--"

He fell silent.

"It was a _GIFT_??", laughed Deidara. "I didn't know it was your birthday already, un."

"...it's not my fucking birthday."

"Why else would anyone send _you_ a present, un?"

'_Why else would anyone--why the fuck does everyone keep saying that?_'

"Anyone who would agree to send you a present must be out of their minds, un."

"Give it back."

"And what's with _this_ thing, anyway?", he sneered, poking at the light pink bow as if it were something undeniably grotesque. "As if the color choices weren't bad enough, they had to use a giant bow to top the whole thing off, un."

"Give. It. _Back_."

"You really shouldn't carry this thing around with you, un. It could send people the wrong message."

"Shut the fuck up and hand it over before I tear you a new asshole, asshole."

Ears perking up at the sound of Hidan's suddenly irrational tone, Deidara raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"You want it back?", he teased, leering as he shook the package in his hand. "I don't know, un...I think maybe I'll paint it first. Black...gray...maybe a nice shade of tan. I get it back to you in a few hour--"

A millimeter was all that separated the Rock-nin's neck and the swift blade of a scythe.

"Deidara-sempai!", cried Tobi.

"ARE YOU _INSANE_, UN??", the artist shrieked from a few yards away, escaping the unexpected assault with his jugular fully intact. "WHAT THE HELL'S YOUR PROBLEM, ANYWAY??"

Completely disregarding the presence of the orange-masked Shinobi hanging off his raised arm, a deadly gaze flashed in Hidan's light red eyes.

"Don't mess around with my fucking box."

"Here, take it!", Deidara shouted, throwing the bright pink package at the Jashinist. "You crazy bastard...un."

He snatched it back from mid-air.

"Please don't mind Deidara-sempai, Hidan-san!", Tobi said hurriedly, giving an apprehensive wave of his hands as he removed himself from the other man's arm. "I--I think it's a very nice-looking box!"

Hidan looked askant. "Seriously?"

"Yeah!", Tobi chirped, patting him on the shoulder. "I think it's very sweet that someone gave you a present!"

"...don't fucking touch me."

"Sorry!"

A few hours had passed since the conflict in the hallway. Because he preferred to obsess over more important things that day, memories of the minor confrontation had already slipped Hidan's mind.

After he finished his prayers for the night, Hidan slipped the beaded rosary back over his head whilst he rose to his feet, dragging his giant scythe to its resting place before he continued preparing himself for bed. Nothing but the room's flickering candlelight dared to interrupt his thoughts as he sat contemplatively at the edge of his mattress, glancing every so often at the package sitting on his nightstand. He had put countless measures of cautious suspicion and analyzation into guessing its contents before finally deciding to abandon the skepticism and move on with his life...for a few hours, anyway.

No, he still hadn't opened it yet.

Jeez...what the hell was he waiting for, anyway? This whole thing was stupid. With all of the unwanted reactions it raised, he was surprised that he hadn't destroyed the damned thing just to put it out of his misery. He had his own set of responsibilities, obligations; he couldn't spend all his free time obsessing over a freakin' box. If it was a bomb, then it would explode. If it wasn't a bomb...then it wouldn't explode. He shouldn't be sitting here wondering endlessly which one was true; he should just open the fucking thing and find out, right?

Right?

He sighed.

Honestly, it wasn't the prospect of the present itself that made him reluctant to get it over with, but the actual _gesture_ which left him baffled. I mean, he hadn't received a present in only God knows how long; someone like him should've been receiving death threats, battle challenges, ransom money...bad guys weren't supposed to get _gifts_.

Who would've sent something like _this_ to someone like _him_?

Could it have been from Jashin-sama, maybe?

'_Nah._', he thought, dismissing the theory. '_There's no way God would choose that stupid-ass color for wrapping paper._'

Well...whether it was forged from human hands or not, there wasn't really any hurry in opening it, was there? This was the first time he'd been given a present in years, and he intended to relish the feeling as long as possible.

Hidan leaned over and blew out the candle on his nightstand.

He'd open it tomorrow morning, for sure.


	3. The Trip

**A/N:** _I can't believe I made you guys wait so long for the next chapter, wtf. Sure, I might be a horrible person, but I hope you'll give me a chance to redeem myself. This installment might seem a little off-topic at first, but I just couldn't resist throwing some Akatsuki!crack into the p(l)ot, you know me. And yes! The Narutoverse uses AMERICAN CURRENCY'ttebayo. Reviews are highly appreciated!_

I--I

Kakuzu had reason to believe that some of the money he received from the Kemuri bounty had been counterfeited, so of course he took no time in firmly declaring to the Akatsuki Leader the urgency of their situation, and how tending to this delicate fiscal matter would prevent him from being able to escort his teammate on this newfound assignment. Pein claimed that the mission was part of the deal he had initially made with Hidan in exchange for the latter's alliance with the organization, and if anyone else was willing and available to accompany him on his journey, Kakuzu would be excused from the task.

Zetsu was a given, because he never 'accompanied' anyone anywhere.

Konan was an obvious exception to the inquiry as well, because no one dared to bother her for _anything_ unless they had a damn good reason to.

Someone somewhere had managed to slip a spot of poison into Itachi's morning tea, but luckily enough, Kisame had accidentally taken a swill of it before the Uchiha had a chance. It must have been an extremely toxic elixir, Kakuzu thought, for the Mist-nin, who's stomach was as tolerant and resilient as the animal's he so uncannily resembled, had been throwing up in the bathroom all afternoon.

Itachi, sipping unwaveringly on his brand new cup of tea, said he didn't find trading partners with Kakuzu 'ideal'.

Deidara and Tobi were off on assignment all night to 'convince' a few traveling merchants to surrender information about the location of the currently unsealed Isonade Bijuu...unfortunately, it wasn't long before the pair discovered that the innocent tradesmen were, in fact, foreign arms dealers. Not in the mood to lead a quiet interrogation, Deidara easily managed to blow the group and their noisy, metal sticks to indiscernible smithereens, but not before getting brushed across the ankle himself with a small steel shrapnel. Somewhat troubled by the strange device, he insisted on spending the rest of his day trying to figure out whether or not the thing they called a 'bullet' had been laced with venom, or something.

Incidentally, right before the battle ensued, Tobi wandered off into a nearby forest and stumbled upon a rare, rose-tinted, _Leporidae_-related lagomorph with hyperactive follicles.

In other words, a fluffy pink bunny rabbit.

He'd been tending to it all morning.

So, with everyone else being temporarily out-of-commission, the Falls-nin was stuck with the unfortunate job of taking Hidan to market.

"Holy shit, they actually sell _condoms_ here? Licentious bastards."

Kakuzu buried his face into his palm.

Oh, yeah.

He was _definitely_ getting sick of this 'no solo missions' rule.

Ignoring the frightened glances and occasional hushed remarks, Hidan strolled casually down one of the store's many long and narrow aisles, gliding his fingers across the colorful bottles and cans of random chemical concoctions companies dared to label 'hair _care_ products'. Kakuzu was left to tag behind the Jashinist, the former's tendrils shooting forth to catch random packages the corner of Hidan's scythe kept knocking off the top shelf.

The shop's strict 'you break it, you buy it' policy was not one the hunter felt like honoring today.

"I still don't understand why we have to come so far.", Kakuzu scowled, shoving the random containers back onto a cleared part of the convenience rack.

"The other place doesn't sell it anymore.", Hidan replied as he twirled his chosen bottle around his fingers. "_You_ may not give a rat's ass about what you look like, but that doesn't mean all of us are doomed to looking like fucking scarecrows twenty-four seven, alright? Seriously, some of us have an image to maintain."

"I'm assuming Jashin likes his boys pretty?"

"Watch your fucking mouth."

Grumbling inwardly, Kakuzu couldn't help but grow even more irritated as his teammate started meandering through every aisle in the store, the zealot attempting to hide the fact he was searching for something he clearly didn't know the location of.

After a few minutes, surprisingly enough, Hidan decided to ask.

"Hey, Kakuzu?"

"...what is it?"

"In which row would a cramped shithole like this keep their box openers?"

"...you mean a _letter_ opener?"

"No, retard, I mean a box opener."

"...it's called a 'kunai', Hidan."

"You asshole, you know Jashin-sama doesn't allow me to carry that kind of crap!", he exclaimed, sounding mortified by the suggestion. "I can't use any weapons that haven't been properly blessed! Seriously, how in the hell am I supposed to know whether or not it was used by some heathen to murder some fucking two-year-old? Kill someone with a kunai and you're killing every person that blade's ever touched, Kakuzu. Think about it. Seriously."

"That's beside the point.", Kakuzu shot back, his brow furrowing in frustration. "The question is what you would need a 'box opener' for. Is it sealed with a Jutsu?"

"No."

"How would you know for sure?"

"Damn it, Kakuzu; I'm a Shinobi, not a moron."

Hidan raised an index finger before his cherished comrade had a chance to respond.

"If that's the case...", Kakuzu continued wearily. "Why haven't you opened it yet?"

"None of your fucking business. You know what, I'm sorry I asked. Seriously, just forget I said anything."

"You mean like I always do anyway?"

"Shut the hell up."

The four people waiting in line scattered upon witness of the two men approaching the counter, each patron scrambling for the front door on their mad dash for freedom. A bright-eyed, dark-haired little girl, barely tall enough to reach the highest button on the register in front of her, stood trembling at the head of the store, flinching as Hidan tossed the bright blue bottle of hair product down on the counter.

She reached a small, quivering hand for the merchandise, and slid it over the glass-plated scanner.

Kakuzu paid no mind.

"We're going straight back to Headquarters as soon as we're done here, understand?", he whispered shortly.

"Yes, mother."

_Beep_. _Beep_. _Beep_.

"Could you at least grab the receipt before we leave? My hands are going to be full, you know, carrying the bag and stuff."

_Beep_. _Beep_. _Beep_.

Kakuzu's eyes narrowed. '_I'll staple that receipt to your goddamned forehead for making me come all the way down here._'

_Beep_. _Beep_. _Beep_.

"Seriously, you can't expect me to--WOULD YOU STOP MESSING AROUND WITH THE EFFIN' BAR CODE AND JUST SCAN THE FUCKING THING PLEASE? OKAY? SERIOUSLY? THANKS?"

"Wow, raising your voice at a working child. Your new lows never cease to amaze me."

Ignoring the remark, Hidan snorted in amusement, rolling his eyes as the girl started a frantic pressing of the register buttons.

"Fucking hell, you're not gonna _faint_ on us, are you? Because if you have the _gall_ to die of a heart attack like the _last_ motherfucker that worked in here, I swear to Jashin-sama I am going to _sacrifice_ your ass."

"Th--that'll be 7.42, sir."

The missing-nin remained idle for the next few seconds.

"Oi, Kakuzu."

"_What_?"

"Forgot my wallet again."

It was at that point when the Falls-nin sent his teammate a glare that could have easily killed a small animal.

Grudgingly, the man reached into his pocket and withdrew a handful of change.

Hidan was already out the door.

A couple of hours later, Hidan retreated to his room at headquarters, running a quick hand through his hair as he opened a drawer and tossed the unopened bottle of gel onto a pile of several others just like it. Now that he had successfully managed to piss the shit out of Kakuzu, he could call it a day.

That's what he got for mouthing off to shark-boy about the rituals.

The Jashinist flopped down on his mattress, lying spread-eagle across the top of the bed.

Alright, alright, so it's not like he was stupid enough to purchase a box opener rather than using the edge of his scythe; to be honest, it was just another excuse he made for himself to procrastinate...mainly because he _really_ didn't need this thing blowing up in his face.

'_Damn Kakuzu...making me all paranoid and shit._'

He sat up quickly, snatching the little pink box off the table.

Like he said before, he wasn't going to let his life revolve around the contents of a box.

Hidan yanked at the end of the ribbon, still wondering who in the hell used _bows_ anymore.

'_Fucking pansy._'

"Mhmm. Is that so? Yes, I understand. Thank you. Goodbye."

A dark-eyed brunette watched anxiously from across the room as her fellow kunoichi placed the phone back carefully within its cradle. The woman became even more unsettled when the blonde behind the desk rested her elbows upon the counter, folding her hands underneath her chin and staring intently ahead in concern.

"Tsunade-sama?", she finally managed to choke out. "Wha--what is it?"

"Rumors.", the Sannin replied briefly. "A civilian near the Land of Fire's southeastern border just had a couple of suspicious visitors to her store."

"Suspicious?", Shizune repeated. "In what way?"

"She claims she left her daughter alone to work the register at the time and didn't see anything herself, but the daughter said the visitors were wearing black cloaks with red clouds painted on them."

"Tsunade-sama, you don't mean..."

She nodded. "The kid says they walked in, paid cash, and walked out. But as they were searching, she overheard them talking about a box...a box one of the members seemed to have a hard time opening."

"Tsunade-sama, don't you think you're overreacting a little?", Shizune laughed nervously. "I--I mean, it could just be a regular package, right?"

The Godaime sprang to her feet and slammed her hand forcefully against the table.

"We can't take that chance!", she barked. "If agents of the Akatsuki are planning something, we have to figure out what this secret weapon of theirs is before it causes any damage!"

"O--of course!", squeaked the medic-nin.

"Get Hatake Kakashi in here.", Tsunade commanded. "I've got a mission for him."

Hidan awoke groggily the next morning, sitting up and tossing his pitch-black, 400-thread-count sheets aside.

If he was forced to sleep in this crappy backhouse, he once said, the least he could be was comfortable. Kakuzu had thrown one hell of a connipshit about buying them at first, but it was Hidan and his complaints about sleeping in a 'flea-ridden potato sack' that won Pein over in the end. Plus, everyone in the Akatsuki chose to have the same bedsheets in black.

It was easier to hide the bloodstains that way.

Still, the Egyptian (wherever the hell _that_ was) cotton bedspread did nothing to comfort him or settle his nerves today, as they usually did. For some reason, Hidan had a weird feeling in his stomach, almost as if he had let something extremely important slip his mind.

He glanced at the large scythe leaning against the foot of his bed. Weapon sharpening? Check.

He felt the area around his neck. Rosary cleaned? Check.

He looked over at the marked calendar on his wall and did a quick count on his fingers. Weekly kill-to-ceremony ratio balanced? Check. Ha, ha...twice over. Fuckers.

Strange...even though those basic responsibilities had already been taken care of, he couldn't help but feel that something in this room was amiss.

His eyes widened as he turned sharply to his nightstand.

And just like that, his box was gone.


End file.
